I am done with all the meds

What a crazy road I seem to have been on. My meds had increased, and they finally this last month had tried Fentynal patches which in 1 month left me physically toxic. Yes, sicker physically without really ever knowing that these 3 day at a time patches were actually poisoning/overdosing me (They just were recalled http://www.fda.gov/oc/po/firmrecalls/pricara02_08.html ) Finally the first time I was in the least amount of pain I have been in years, but at what expense. Well let me tell you, at the expense of not being able to really be there like I would like to for my children and husband, as they were slowly poisoning me. After a month I could no longer take it and stopped all my medications against the recommendation of my physicians, as I have been suggesting for months. They insisted that if this route was what I was ever to take that I go into the hospital and have a pic line placed into my heart due to the strain this could take on my body, but still recommended against stopping all the meds, but I am tired, and I wonder now how much real good all of these meds are really doing or at the expense of loosing any precious time with my family. I have learned that it is better to be in in pain and to have quality time with my family than to not remember not having any time with my family. This my doctors do understand, so now we all search for alternatives to my suffering, and to find hope. In this whole process, I am thankful for my family, my friends, and my church and for the Lord who stands by me even though at times I am feeling so alone. Truly I am Blessed, even with these illnesses.