Are the docs joking?

Yesterday, I went to the doctors for the severe pain in my back/spine. This was an orthopedic doctor. So far no was has addressed the severe pain in my back and spine. He was a little nervous to really touch me or do anything because of my chronic illnesses, etc. He did refer me to a Neorosurgeon, but guess who? Yes Dr. Beers, the same one who placed the "wasted" shunt in me, and had assualted me. And guess what? I told him that there was no way I would ever let Dr. Beers near me again. Go Figure. I know that we are taught that we should forgive, but I am really struggling with this. I am limited here. So in the meantime, Dr. Davis (Ortho) will have me do PT for the next week to see if that will help. He also told me to go back to Healion and have them order an MRI of my Spine since they were suppose to have done this last week but instead sent me to the hospital for a spinal tap. So my husband and I went back sat there again for 4 hours, to then be told to come back today and after the doctor talkked with the Ortho doc they would decide on the MRI or not. We were furious that again we sat there while I was in so much pain, yet nothing was done to help me. My EKG's are abnormal, my labs are abnormal yet nothing done to help get to the bottom of it. Everyone is just passing the buck. I wasn't asking for pain meds, etc as these are not helping anyway, just for someone to do there job, take the MRI and give me some answers as to why this is happening. I have never had such severe pain in my spine like this. It hurts to walk and sit.

On top of everything they still can't figure out why my ears are plugged, and my white cell count is high. I feel hopless and lost. Last night I was in so much excruciating pain that I turned to my husband and point blank said I am done living this way and being in so much pain, and dealing with doctors who don't seem to know what to do except to leave me this way, that I would rather be dead. He could only reply with "Don't give up, you are loved" This was nice but love is not taking my misery away. Maybe it is my depression caused by the pain that is making me think that death would be better than a life of pain. I have no quality of life anymore. My children comment about it as well. Everyone is tired of this, but most of all me. I have caused sadness for my family, financial hardship, etc. This is my struggle, not theirs. It seems as if no one understands. I put on a good face for those who know me, as if I am o.k. but I truly am not.
This disease has taken over me, my life, and my family. I am now so very tired of fighting the fight and not going anywhere.
I pray very very often to give me the strength and to heal this pain, yet still no answers.
I have taken to set up my plans on my parting wishes, as I want to alleviate as much stress on my family as the time comes. My family does not deserve any of this.
I am met with roadblock after roadblock. I am just tired of all the pain and suffering this has caused.